The Fireman's Memorial

My sweet Travelers

Ever wonder why I don't have many pics of Austin?

That's better
The brick under the American Flag @ the fire training grounds
Sleeping in the canoe on the Asuabo River
I guess that's what he thought of canoeing..

My cutie @ the parade
Watching life flight
Who doesn't love waterball
Riding in life flight
Sitting in the Antique Firetruck- Jake loved the windup horn


Ellie and daddy at the parade

Umm.. Sorry husband I don't think so
The back of the shirts we had made
"Sissy you see the backi's"
The parade- Jake was in heaven- firetrucks as far as the eye could see

At the memorial site

Don's dad's name was placed on this statue (only line of duty deaths are placed here)

Firemen who served and passed away are placed on the wall

"Gaubee you see my backi"

Bittersweet

We had a great, but emotionally full weekend. This death thing is all new for me. I just thought that the more time that went by the easier it would get. It does, just a little bit, but then out of nowhere the reality of the whole situation smacks you right in the face. It was great to spend time this weekend remembering a man who meant so much to me. I miss him, I really really do and here in lies the reason I feel the way I do....


I remember it like yesterday, 15 years ago (for those of you who know my age go ahead and do the math) my mother found out that my boyfriend and I were engaging in some "extracurricular activities". My mom thought it was best that I tell my father myself what was going on. At the time my father was in the backyard raking leaves and burning them behind the shed. I walked back and without hesitation I told my father that I was having sex. His response, "Well isn't that just brilliant." I didn't say a word. I turned around and went back inside. You see, my father was a man of few words and what he did say never amounted to much. However it was a time in my life that maybe I needed him. I needed to know that I upset him instead I removed myself from him even further. The only time I ever knew how I stood with him was if I made swedish meatballs and he went back for another helping. I guess the sad part is I wasn't afraid to dissapoint him because I never knew what I meant to him. I say this in the most respectful way possible but I believe my father "checked out" of parenting long before I came around. I do not have one memory of my father ever spending time with me or ever even having a meaningful conversation. It was just not the type of man he was and that's alright. I have come to realize that some people just aren't cut out for certain things. But unfortunately, to this day I do not believe that my father knows much about me and likewise for that matter.



Almost 6 years ago I was blessed to have met a man that would eventually become my father-in-law. At first I didn't quite get his quirky jokes and sense of humor but it didn't take long before he made me feel very comfortable. He was a great listener but boy was he a talker. I have so many memories of him and none that will soon be forgotten..


It was the summer of 06' and I was 8 months pregnant with Jake. We had just had a bad thunderstorm and we headed out to Don's parents house. We hung out for a little while when my father-in-law said come on outside I want to show you something. He did this alot. He loved to walk around the yard, in his stocking feet, and show me all the plants he had been growing or how big his peppers had gotten, the pond, the Model-A, the bats, his tools, the trees, etc. etc. etc. You name it he shared it. Anyways after walking around the yard with him we stopped in the driveway and just started to talk. We talked about life in general. He told me how excited he was that Don was going to be a dad, we joked about the name "Donald Gerald the III" and then he said 5 words- "I'm so proud of you". Yep that's it, 5 simple words. 5 words that I may quite possibly been waiting to hear for almost 30 years. I cried and just simply said thank you. He knew me, he knew the desires of my heart and the person I was striving to become and he let it be known that he cared. You know, I'm not one who ever needed anyones approval or even sought it but let me tell you that it felt good. My mom told me she was proud of me all the time but this was different. He treated me like a daughter and to me was like the father I never had. He took the time to know me. He didn't judge me or make me feel stupid- Ok he did love to throw a good blonde joke at me. He loved life but more importantly he deeply loved his family and was never ever afraid to show it. He shared his thoughts and taught me to slow down. I got to have several conversations with him and was even told secrets I'll take to my grave. I saw him cry. He was real. He was honest and upfront and you always knew what you meant to him. He was proud of his past and even prouder of what he had. He is a remarkably huge loss but in his death I continue to learn from him. I let my kids get dirty, I take my sweet little girl for walks around the yard and show her the trees, the bugs and let her feel the grass between her toes. I let my feelings and thoughts be known because it is who I have become. I love deeply and never ever go to sleep upset. I see the brilliant light in each and every day even the cloudy gray ones. This man taught me the things in life that really matter. I no longer care what others think of me as a person, mother or friend. I just live each day the best way I know how. I treat others I meet differently because of him. It didn't matter if you were the President or a bum on the street, to him you were all equals. My only regret is that it took his death to teach me these things. I replay the day he died over and over and over. I so want to go back and tell him what he meant to me and to thank him for helping me to see the joy in each and every day. It is so cliche' but life is so very short and can end in an instant. I want no regrets. I want to live and I want to share my life with anyone who cares to be a part of it. I have been given 3 miracles of life and I will be grateful for every second I have them. I will not judge anyone. I will refuse to dwell on myself or anyone elses past misfortunes. I will celebrate your life and your choices. I owe him that. I am a different person because of him. I am so very honored to have known him and to call him my father-in-law but more importantly I am blessed to have been able to call him my Dad...

So join me in challenging yourself to live, to love your life, to cherish it no matter where you're at right now. Believe me I know it's not easy but please trust me in knowing that you won't be sorry for trying. You have nothing to lose, find the joy in today and love it because you never know if it will be your last.

I ask you, "How do you want to be remembered?"

**Pics of the weekend coming soon**

Where do you like to watch t.v.?

After changing Ella's diaper this is how I found Jake. He is so unbelievably fast. I guess he just needed a better view. Maybe daddy will move the big t.v from the other house faster than we thought.

Enjoying the Imagination Movers...
(Please lord help me to keep this sweet and swift one safe.)

Can he stack 2 or more blocks?

(At Jake's 2 year dr. checkup)

Nurse- "Can Jake stack 2 or more blocks?"
Me- "Hmm, umm do cans and pots and pans count?"

The Cans

The pots and pans

So proud

I just love general toddler development questions, don't you? And for the record yes he can stack blocks I just need to find what box their in!

Playtime

Some of my favorite memories are from when I was little and I played with my brothers and sisters. They were after all my best friends. On a rainy day there was nothing like getting to play "horse" in the basement or Barbies out on our big front porch. I love watching my kids play together. Austin is short fused when it comes to Jake but then again some days he tests us all. Jake likes to play ball with Austin any chance he gets and now that we have an even bigger family room "hit" as Jake likes to call it has been in full swing since we moved in. Ella on the other hand loves anyone who will pay attention to her but she especially lights up when one of the 3 men in her life come walking anywhere near her. I have taught her well, and we are well on our way to Daddy not being able to tell her no. Here's a few pics of our most recent playtime, unfortunately Austin was at school :-(

First he tries to sit on her

Then roll her

Hmm...what exactly is he thinking?

I know he'll get her a hammer

(Remember when I told you I'd probably end up with a hotdog anyways)..here's my tool loving girlie girl

MOMMA! " No Ella, Uck all wet!"

First the ugly cry

and then the REALLY ugly cry

She''ll teach him to take her hammer away

and then makeup time

There's nothing sweeter

than a little bit of love

A piece of the past...

Our sweet Ellie Bellie got a late 1800's wicker baby carriage. I just love it and can't help but think about all the little girls that may have had a chance to play with it. We are going to put it in her room and let her fill it with all her babies. How neat that my sweet girl gets to have her own little piece of the past. More on my obsession with memories in my next post. In the meantime enjoy...

Is it really over?

*Edited to add that lots of the pics I uploaded did not appear. We are off to football so I will try again later.

I thought I'd begin this post with a few of my favorite pics (out of hundreds I have taken this summer). We made lots of wonderful memories and boy do I have pics to prove it!

Parasailing over the Atlantic

Adventures in sharing... first the ball
then the sippy
then his cars
his beloved mower
and then he shared the unthinkable..his nee nee

Grandpa's fire helmet
Stealing someone else's b-day cake
Sweet Mason
Gotta love handsome Rocket!
Yes I do claim this one

Gimme a kiss momma

Now this takes talent..we get this all day long
Please momma..no more!
A typical Jake morning..
My polka dot princess

More Kee Kee candy please!

My sweet summer girl

Did I tell you I like dresses?
But I wanna play baseball too!

Sweet Macy, Maddie and Nat

Gotta love the Laubert eyes!
My cutie pie
A heartbreaker..watch out ladies
Mason officially on the "short bus"

Yet another dress..go figure

Strike a pose
His new buzz cut
Some of the gang
Now this is just wrong...

Where did it go? I honestly cannot believe that summer is over and school has arrived. I am one of those "wierd moms" that prefers my kids at home. I love the lazy non structured days of summer. Throw the routines out the window is my summer slogan. I let my kids set their own schedules and we do wonderfully. I have never been one to impose a schedule on my kids and have just learned that each one has their own unique routine that works just for them . I certainly cannot make a child sleep if they don't require it. Occasionally it does make my days a bit more hectic but we'll get through it, we always do.

I believe that moving this summer is what has made it fly by. Our days were spent back and forth between two houses. The "new house" as Jake likes to call it doesn't feel like home yet but slowly and surely we are making it our own. It is ALOT more to clean thats for sure and I do miss my 1st floor laundry. Oh well it's not like I couldn't use a few trips up the stairs if ya know what I mean. I do love the house and can't wait to finish up on the inside so I can get outside where I really like to be. There is just something about working outside that makes me feel good. It is a release so to speak. Who knows maybe it is just the memories I have of my childhood that come flooding back as I dig my hands into the dirt. I was blessed to have had a wonderful childhood full of lazy days and lots of playtime. Our imaginations ran wild as we played from sun-up to sundown. Somedays I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish my kids could have played like I got to play. To put it simply we just didn't have to worry about as much as we do now.

Ahh the days!

Oh well even with the move we managed to fit in quite a bit. We had a wonderful vacation to the ocean and extended our trip with a beautiful stop in our beloved Tennessee. I took Austin parasailing and will never forget how tight he held my hand as we soared high above the Atlantic. We spent lots of time at baseball, oh who am I kidding, ALL our free time was at baseball! I love love love watching Austin play. He is just so darn exciting to watch. He is aggresive which is so unlike his day to day demeanor. There is a part of Austin that comes out while he is playing that just makes me smile. He was asked to play this fall in a wood bat league and I reluctantly agreed ( I was looking forward to a break). He loves it and I will support him no matter what it may do to my weekends. Like I said before we'll get through it, we always do. He's also playing football which if you know me you know it is my ALL-TIME favorite sport. I will, before I die, make it to a Superbowl, the Probowl in Hawaii and a Michigan vs. Ohio State game. I know it's alot so obviously I'm not going anywhere anytime soon :)! Austin is the quaterback again and he's not too happy about it. He likes to hit and well when you're the quaterback you are everyones target and YOU are the one always being tackled. The coach and Austin have come to an agreement that he can do a few plays on defense and I think that he's going to have another great year. Please say a prayer for him that his knee stays strong and we have no injuries.

In other news my sweet stubborn Jake turned 2 this summer. He is extremely busy but it's a good busy. He is still having a love affair with his sippy cup of milk but luckily we have been able to curb it ever so slightly. With all the changes going on around him I was hesitant to take away any of his comfort items. Potty training is well how do I put it..not easy. He knows EXACTLY what he is doing each and everytime but is so stubborn and relentless that I fear I may still be changing him when he turns 10! Just kidding, in all seriousness I do have a goal with him and will be working hard-core very soon. I just need to put my thinking cap on and see what exactly is going to work for Jake. My tactics I used on Austin have been thrown out the window. He is just as I like him...Uniquely Jake!

Much to my dismay Ella is not listening to her momma and she is growing and growing and growing. She is an absolute delight. I know it is not the most humane thing to say but I could just EAT HER UP! I try to just soak her up everytime she is in my arms. I could hold her ALL day and most days that's exactly what I do. I could care less what anyone else thinks..she's all mine. I rarely if ever part with her for even a short period of time. It's probably not the healthiest thing in the world but she's my last and I don't want to miss a second. She is an exceptionally happy baby. She has the cutest darn laugh and a precious smile. Her hair is finally coming in and it stands straight up. When I dry her hair after her bath she lookes just like a chicken. Her eyes have turned brown just like her Daddy's and he's loving every minute of it. She just started on cereal and loves it. She would devour her spoon if she could. She is a great sleeper. We are so lucky to have her and she rounds out our family just perfectly.

So here we are. The lazy days of summer are gone and we're back to the grind. My miracles are growing, so exciting and yet it's so sad. The excitement of a new school year beckons and the smell of Fall in the air is just around the corner yet I pray that I never ever forget these sweet summer memories.